His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
try to milk me bitch
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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