At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
