I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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