the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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