Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
