We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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