Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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