i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have fence marks all over my body
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
