Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
