I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dignity is for republicans.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
