I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
