Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
