The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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