i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
