I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Pappa wants mamma naked
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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