She is in my trunk
I skipped work to stalk him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
