i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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