I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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