we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
