put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
