just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We have started to decorate penises.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize