And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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