loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
People in love make me want to vomit
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.