this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.