I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.