Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..