I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
