I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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