We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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