He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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