kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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