And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
