Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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