Where did you get a picture of my penis
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
