This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
