You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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