shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
