Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
