Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Damn victory sex feels great
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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