Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
