Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What a dumb baby whore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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