you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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