well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
