she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
