I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want to make out with him forever
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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