So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
