Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
