You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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