ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
