She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
