I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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