There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
