my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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