last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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