If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
