I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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