walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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