dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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