Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ugly people sure do ruin things
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Randomize
