So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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