i would punch a child for taco bell
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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