Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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