Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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