Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
