I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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