he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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