I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
