I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
