I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
